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Foreign policy goal number one

What do you suppose is the single, overarching principle guiding our current foreign policy these days? The promotion of democracy? Nope. Opposition to tyranny? Guess again. Fighting terror? Where have you been?

The guiding principle of our foreign policy apparatus is simple: Under no circumstances should you ever do or say anything that might potentially offend or embarrass this man:

Robert Parton and Miranda Duncan are two people who failed to appreciate this rule. They were senior investigators in Paul Volcker's committee to investigate the U.N. "Oil for Food" scandal. They have just resigned their positions in protest over the whitewashing of Annan's role in the whole sordid mess. Naifs. What did they think the purpose of the probe was? Were they not properly briefed before signing on?

Another potential casualty of our new global mission statement is, of course, John Bolton. He still harbors the incredibly naive notion that the job of America's ambassador to the U.N. should represent and advocate American policy within the world body rather than simply to lick Kofi Annan's ass. Where do we find these rubes?

Let's be honest. Once you strip away all the ridiculous sideshows, the real core of the opposition to Bolton is because Bolton is an outspoken critic of the United Nations, plain and simple. I, frankly, fail to see the problem with that. In fact, I think it's about goddamn time. Even staunch defenders of the U.N. should recognize that it's in their own best interest for the world body to face up to some tough questions. Burying our collective heads in the sand and ignoring the cesspool of sleaze and corruption that Turtle Bay has become helps no one, least of all the U.N. itself.

Guess what? There are times when you need to be outspoken. I don't want someone who was a shrinking violet in the face of the U.N.'s "Zionism is racism" blood libel! I want someone who called "bullshit!" and got it changed. That's John Bolton. I don't want someone who was a Milquetoast mama's boy in the face of Libya's WMD program. I want someone who stood firm and went to the mat to get them to stand down. That's John Bolton.

I don't want someone who places a higher premium on being "polite" and "diplomatic" than on telling the ugly truths about the "Oil for Food" scandal, or the sexual abuse/pedophilia scandal, or the defining away of the genocide problem in Darfur. This last, far from being an isolated incident, is simply par for the course for the United Nations under the disgraceful tenure of Kofi Annan, persevering in the patterns he established in the Balkans and in Rwanda.

Despite the hand-wringing in some circles, the Bolton nomination appeared to be pretty much on track. Until, of course, we witnessed the sorry spectacle of George Voinovich (RINO - OH), who hadn't bothered to attend the confirmation hearings themselves, suddenly showing up with his panties all in a bunch over some recent "allegations" regarding John Bolton. (One of the more ridiculous charges against Bolton, levied by the founder of "Mothers Opposing Bush," is that Bolton once chased her through the corridors of a Russian hotel.)

Since Voinovich hadn't seen fit to actually, you know, show up for the hearing, Bolton was no longer present to respond to these allegations in person. But with all these "troubling" signs, Voinovich saw no option but to delay the vote, allowing Democrats more time to scrounge up further absurd allegations (expect someone to come forward and testify that John Bolton drove Michael Jackson through the Chuck E. Cheese parking lot so he could cruise pre-pubescent cub scouts or something,) and providing cover for the other girly-men Republicans on the committee to oppose the nomination.


Senator Frist, you've been under a barrage of heavy criticism from your enemies lately. Now is the chance to prove your mettle to your allies. Let me be blunt: If you can't herd these simpering pantywaists together for long enough to deliver a freakin' U.N. ambassadorship, then what the hell value are you to your party?

And Mr. President, it is imperative that you do everything in your power to line your boys up on this. If you need to play hardball, then do it; I know you're capable. And if our side proves to be too late in joining the battle and Bolton gets Borked, you need to make sure the Borkers live to regret it. Deeply. If Bolton gets turboed, nominate Rudy Guiliani. If he doesn't make it, pick Douglas Feith. Hell, if you have to, appoint Michael Savage, or simply leave the post unfilled. I am dead damn serious.

Your enemies will turn this whole sorry fight into a referendum on your foreign policy, and that's a war you cannot afford to lose. Even if you lose the battle over Bolton, you cannot lose the war.


The Senate Majority Leader is too busy establishing a position of "Fristianity" for the 2008 primaries than to worry about governing.

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