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Let's help out ABC

ABC is soliciting (heh) harrowing, real-life accounts of how global warming is affecting you personally. Here's my submission. But I should warn you that my emotions were still a bit raw when I wrote it, so if you're easily disturbed, you might not wish to proceed.

So anyway, I was making this snowman in my backyard? I was trying to get it done before my wife got home so I could show it to her. It was supposed to look like me (except all buff and stuff) but with a Batman mask and cape. I spent hours sculpting it to get it just the way I wanted. But then....

By the time my wife actually got home, the snowman had gone all gooshy. The greenhouse gases from the industrialized economies had caused the snowman's pecs to slip down to the gut area, making the figure resemble me a lot more closely than I had intended. Then, adding insult to injury, the nose carrot fell out and lodged awkwardly in the pec/gut mass, making it look disturbingly like a malformed pee-pee.

Damn you, George W. Bush!! Damn you for not signing Kyoto (even if the Senate had already rejected it by 95-0 years before you got into office. It's still your fault!) Even now, my eyes well with bitter tears of impotent rage as I relive this. God. Damn it....


nice job!

Find a way to tie global warming to pedophilia or a missing blond girl and you can probably get your own prime-time news magazine show.

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