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The real war on Christmas

All right, I'll admit that I find the ubiquity of the tepid "Happy Holidays" euphemism a bit tiresome, but that's the extent of it. It doesn't even rise to the level of an "annoyance" for me. (I'm more annoyed every morning in the coffee shop when I invariably get in line behind some girl who orders a pumpkin spice soy vanilla latte with half skim milk, two Equals® and a Splenda®, when all I want is a large black.)

And the "Happy Holidays" crowd is certainly less annoying than the culture warriors who are convinced this is all part of a concerted "war on Christmas." Think about it, people. This PC crowd isn't about to wage war on anything. The most you could expect from them is a vaguely worded U.N. resolution against Christmas. War? Gimme a break.

So I just stay out of that fight altogether. Nonetheless, there are still sinister forces at work which really do undermine this very important holiday and rob it of its significance in subtle yet undeniable ways. I'm talking about white lights. I'm sick to death of BORING white bloody lights already.

Granted, part of this is a result of my own upbringing. I'm rebelling against my mom's draconian "all white light" policy. I have very fond, warm and fuzzy memories of Christmas being a dazzling, almost psychedelic festival of rainbow-colored incandescence, both inside our house and out. Then, when I was still a very young age, Mom decided that such displays were tacky and garish. She decided that miniature white lights on the tree were tasteful and refined.

To be fair to mom, this was back in the late sixties, and she was reacting to admitted abominations such as this:

I was sad when she decided to donate the aluminum tree to my first-grade classroom, but she did have a point. The problem is that her white light "phase" turned out not to be a passing trend at all, but a new way of life. Thirty-five years out, and she's still as color-averse as Johnny Cash at a funeral.

And it's not just her, it's everyone. White lights are all over the place. Not only in people's homes, but in public squares, city sidewalks, restaurants, used car lots, you name it. Even worse, more and more public places have taken to leaving the white lights up year-round. This, of course, even further erodes the special, celebratory nature of Christmas light displays.

The time has come, people, to take a stand. What is this, Christmas or a Chili's parking lot? We have to decide once and for all. And this year I'm taking a stand. Our Christmas tree is lit entirely in blue, and the front porch is a brilliant beacon of every single color I could lay my hands on -- except for white. There are no white lights anywhere in or near my house. Not one.

Take that.


Back off, Buddy. I love fairy lights! As evidenced by my use of both italics and an exclamation point in one sentence.

So the message is, "Blue is the new white."

We have naught but white lights outside our house. We bought the "icicle" lights. Red icicles lack versimilitude.

What I hate are those infatable lawn decorations: the snow globes, the giant polar bear, and so on. Those are the lazy person's Christmas decoration. Decorating the outside of your house should always be about endangering your life fifteen feet up a ladder in a bitter cold wind while your spouse hands you clips to attach the lights to the rain gutters.

You know whose Christmas decorations I like? The family on the next block who have a creche on their lawn, a sign that says "Keep Christ in Christmas", and high up on a tree, a star in lights. These are people who at least have kept their own holiday and remember what it's supposed to be, instead of ripping off a bunch of symbols and traditions from Celtic and Germanic pagan traditions and then frothing at the mouth every time Bill O'Reilly calls them "Christmas symbols". As for people with those giant inflatable Santas which they deflate every night so that the next morning, the entire neighborhood looks like a flock of mall Santas went on a bender and passed out on their lawns, well, those people should be beaten with sticks, sodomized by Ted Haggard, and then forced to work the day after Thanksgiving every year.

The house I used to live in?..the nighbours?,...new about 3 years ago?..they put HIGH above their roof a CND peace sign..all in white lights..sorry Bazz...but THIS year??? the SAME sign but in different fairy colours!!

It's quite amazing you mentioned that Bazz..about the white light..an all.

Say it with colour!

(Btw..he mows our lawn at a special rate and cuts our garden ...cuz he's a peaceful, garden mower guy)

PEACE but in colour!

Actually? I like white light. People keep telling me to there..what could they mean?? :(

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