Buy them or you suck
You have no compassion unless you buy tons of these.
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November 30, 2004
Serendipity's golden sundae
I hear there's a cheaper version with lead.
In September 2004, the restaurant honored its 50th anniversary with the creation of the Golden Opulence Sundae. The decadent creation consists of five scoops of ice cream made from the world's most expensive vanilla beans, rare and exotic chocolates, imported candied fruits and 23-carat gold leaf topping. It is served in a Baccarat crystal goblet -- which consumers get to keep -- and eaten with a golden spoon. Not surprisingly, the Golden Opulence Sundae clinched the Guinness Book of World Records title as the World's Most Expensive Ice Cream Sundae immediately after its debut.
Tom Ridge has resigned...
...and Roger L. Simon thinks he should be replaced by a Democrat. I'm not sure what good that would really do, but if a qualified Democrat is willing to serve, I'm all for it. If I were to pick a favorite Dem for the job, it'd probably be Chuck Schumer, but I have a feeling he's not interested in leaving the Senate anytime soon.
I do not want to be in the 300 Club
Ugh! My boys just shrivel up and disappear when I even think about it!
More complicated options include joining the 300 Club at the South Pole (they take a sauna to 200 degrees Fahrenheit, then run naked to the pole in minus 100 F)....
That's from a list of scientifically-oriented things you should do before you die. Knock yourself out.
Oops!
I just realized, belatedly, that one of this site's most oft-repeated predictions did not come to pass. Now there's nothing surprising about that per se, but this prediction seemed like such a no-brainer that I am a bit surprised.
I predicted (most recently here) that the Kerry campaign, having won the nomination decisively, would stage a highly visible "Sister Souljah" moment, in which Kerry would distance himself and his party from the likes of Michael Moore, George Soros, and MoveOn.org.
Never happened. What is wrong with these people? How can they so utterly fail to learn the lessons of Bill Clinton, the most successful Democratic president since (at least) Truman?
In that same post however, I also predicted that Michael Moore might end up benefiting Bush more than Kerry. I tend to believe that was in fact the case. I think Kerry's refusal to distance his party from the wacko Left, more than any other single misstep, very likely cost him the election.
SCOTUS vs. medical weed
It's a story as old as the hills. Everyone's had a grandmother who'd routinely take a snifter of brandy "just for her rheumatism." I don't really understand the need for the pretense. I don't think anyone would begrudge Granny a bedtime snort. It's just something in human nature, I suppose, to exploit the "medicinal" benefits of controlled substances.
This aspect of human nature will be much on the minds of the Supreme Court justices as they hear arguments on this pending medical marijuana case.
Now I don't want to see federal agents (or anyone else, for that matter) harassing people who are simply doing the equivalent of what Granny did 50 years ago. They should be left alone.
Medical marijuana, however, has some problems. It's a funny kind of "medicine," for one thing. It's a weed grown in a garden (or a closet with a grow light), dried up, smoked. It is not produced in a laboratory under strict FDA oversight. Medical marijuana laws beg the question of why we should allow people to burn dried leaves and inhale the smoke when THC can be so effectively and safely distilled in a laboratory and put into pill form.
Now don't get me wrong. I think these people should be able to smoke up if they want to. I simply think the whole medical marijuana bit is problematic.
So here's a crazy thought! Why not decriminalize the stuff altogether? Sick people could still get the benefit of a "medicinal" bong hit, without having to worry about "justifying" the legitimacy of their illnesses. The rest of us could (and here's a really novel idea!) be entrusted to exercise the same judgment we currently use when choosing whether or not to use alcohol or tobacco.
I know it's going to be an uphill battle, but it really needs to be fought. I think medical marijuana is a sideshow and a distraction from the real issue. The current marijuana laws are a ridiculous anachronism, stemming from a time when we understood the drug poorly, and (let's be honest here) when we found marijuana laws to be a convenient tool for waging war against the counterculture.
But those days are gone. Look, I'm not going to pretend marijuana is tofu or oat bran, but to classify it as a Schedule I drug when liquor and cigarettes can be brought at your corner supermarket is stupid.
I know that decriminalization is not on SCOTUS's docket, but we can nonetheless hope that their decision will at least move us further in the right direction.
Why I feel like I've been beaten with a lug wrench
Some part of me has always wanted to be responsible for a boiler. I wanted to be like that crotchety old geezer in the movies, in grease-stained overalls, who always coaxed a cantankerous, decrepit boiler back to life by clanging on it with a rusty old monkey wrench.
Well, I'm living the dream now, and it's not quite what I'd fantasized about. The brownstone we live in had been without heat for about a week, and when we came back from North Carolina to find it still not working, we got irate, and complained to the president of the utility company. They'd been promising to send someone out for days, but each time I'd stay up until midnight waiting for them they never showed. Last Tuesday (and this is good) they failed to show up because they "couldn't find a place to park." Of course they didn't bother to call us to let us know that either.
I think complaining to the head guy actually did the trick, because they promised to send someone out as soon as possible. We really wanted to get the heat fixed because my in-laws were arriving to stay with us, and we didn't want them to have to live in an icebox all week.
Well, my in-laws had just arrived, and hadn't even removed their coats yet (fortunately, as it turns out.) My wife and I were showing them around our place when we promptly managed to lock ourselves outside. Everything of ours -- keys, money, wallet, cell phones -- were locked inside. I wasn't even wearing any shoes. I'm just lucky I wasn't wearing shorts and barefoot, as is normally the case.
My wife had to leave for work, so I had to leave my in-laws standing on the sidewalk in front of our building while I schlepped a mile down Washington street in short sleeves and stocking feet to a real estate company who had a spare set of keys (fortunately I do not get cold easily.)
I got the keys and then schlepped back. Of the three keys they gave me, exactly zero of them worked. My next-door neighbor kindly offered to let me use her phone, and I called every locksmith in Hudson County to no avail. They were either all out on calls or booked solid for the day (how many other people had done this? I figured it was fairly unusual.)
It's at this moment, of course, that the utility guy showed up (timing is everything.) He was all in a dither because someone had complained to the president of the company, and he got all yelled at, and was told to get to our place ASAP, and not to leave until everything was fixed. That was fine and all, but we couldn't even let him inside the house, and he was understandably frustrated.
My neighbor was getting ready to leave, so I imposed on her one last time to let me into her backyard. She warned me that she was leaving, and that I wouldn't be able to get back into her place should I fail to get into mine. I saw no option, however, and committed myself.
I climbed over the fence into my yard, still only in my socks (ouch!) and climbed onto the roof the boiler room (ouch!). From there, I could reach the bedroom window with the air conditioner. Unfortunately (fortunately?) I couldn't lift the window because I had braced it shut with a stick, expressly to prevent this unorthodox manner of entry. Fortunately (unfortunately?) all it took was a few blows from my fist to dislodge the stick, and the window could be raised. Thank God I had bolted the AC unit securely in place when I installed it, because it had to support my entire weight as I wiggled through the window into our bedroom.
Bruised and bleeding, I was finally inside, so I rushed downstairs to let the utility dude in before he drove away in disgust. While he started working on the boiler, I went back upstairs to secure the window to prevent unsavory elements from gaining unauthorized access in the same way I had just done.
It turned out that there was a bad component on the boiler. It wasn't a necessary component. In fact, it was a completely superfluous "safety" feature that served no real function other than to break and prevent the whole boiler from functioning. (Lawyers!) It took some doing, but the dude was finally able to locate a spare part from a buddy's truck, and got the whole business working again.
That's why I woke up feeling bruised and battered today. I'm too old for this kind of foolishness.
Anyway, I know none of you care about any of this, but I just had to vent. As I've mentioned before, this blog takes the place of therapy for me.
November 29, 2004
Jesusland coconut cake
Well Hack, my wife and I hadn't even left the tarmac in Newark and we were already in Jesusland. A kindly widower from Texas struck up a religious conversation with us before takeoff and gave me an Owsald Chambers book. I'm afraid I may have scandalized him by allowing that I didn't believe in Hell in the conventional sense. I meant no offense by it. I don't believe in much in the conventional sense.
Once we got to North Carolina it was all turkey and relaxation with the extended family. The food was great (especially the coconut cake, recipe to follow) and I'm really going to have to hit the gym with a vengeance now that I'm back.
I noticed that the newspapers and magazines were full of tips and advice about "surviving" the holidays in light of the recent presidential election. We're all likely to share a turkey with people who disagree with us, after all. The articles were full of admonitions to be "considerate," and not to "gloat," but rather to think of the other person's feelings. All very nice stuff, but try as I might, I am unable to remember similar human interest/advice pieces in the wake of the '92 and '96 elections. Sort of like how I don't remember any NYT editorials saying that Clinton should pick cabinet members who disagree with his policies. Ah well, my memory is sometimes imperfect that way.
Believe it or not, Hack, I met a few liberals down in Charlotte, and I think they're experiencing the same cognitive dissonance that afflicts many here in the blue states. Moreover, I think I've finally figured out where it comes from. Many lefties here and in Europe were able to trash Bush in the most savage of terms, while simultaneously insisting that they loved "America" and "Americans." They did this by clutching desperately at Al Gore's narrow popular win in 2000 and maintaining that the current administration had "hijacked" this country, and did not enjoy the popular support of the governed.
Now, however, President Bush has won re-election by a decisive popular majority. It was not a landslide, and I (unlike some conservatives) don't see much of a mandate there, but it was a decisive win nonetheless. So where does that leave these lefties, Hack? They are stuck between two distasteful options.
On the one hand, they can stick to their guns, but they'll be forced to conclude that Americans are fundamentally either evil or stupid. (I suppose the most optimistic conclusion possible would be that Stupid America and Evil America only comprise about 30% each of the population, while Normal America enjoys a 40% plurality. It is only in the unholy alliance of Evil and Stupid that the will of Normal America is thwarted and distasteful manifestations like Bush's reelection are possible. That's probably scant comfort, however.)
That's got to be a pretty tough pill to swallow. It's not surprising that we all know people who have become virtual recluses since the election. I'm glad you haven't succumbed to this temptation, Hack, although I know you've struggled, same as everyone else. Perhaps you should do some soul-searching and ask yourself why it is that you fear powerful men.
Ha ha, just kidding on that last one. You see, for an entire decade, every time I dared utter the mildest criticism of Her Royal Clintonness, I was told it was because I felt threatened by a powerful woman. I just couldn't resist the chance at payback.
The other option for the chronically disaffected is much preferable, if still somewhat unpleasant. They could admit that some of their over-the-top rhetoric was unjustified, and unnecessarily inflammatory. These people don't want to believe in Evil Stupid America. I realize they don't especially want to backtrack either, but I think it may well be a good idea, both for their long-term mental health and for the health of the Republic.
I underwent a similar transition during the second Clinton term. Eventually, I began to realize that this guy wasn't so bad after all, as some of the direst predictions of his presidency failed to materialize, and there was growing evidence that they never would. Yes, I had to admit I was wrong, and nobody enjoys that, but after I'd done so, I felt much better.
I would advise all the depressed lefties out there to at least give it a chance. Listen, you don't have to like Bush. But simply acknowledging that his presidency doesn't necessarily herald the advent of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse could be very liberating. It could be better than Zoloft.
Give a try. What do you say? We'll be here to support you, and welcome you back to the fold. We'll do what the newspapers told us to do. We'll be considerate and we won't gloat. Just meet us halfway, okay?
Meanwhile, I'd like to extend a peace offering to help sweeten the deal. This is my aunt Nancy's fabulously famous coconut cake recipe. It's an old, authentic southern favorite, and it was a huge hit down in Jesusland this Thanksgiving. If there's anything we should all be able to agree on, it's that a really good coconut cake kicks ass! Bake it in good health.
Jesusland Coconut Cake
- 1 cup butter
- 2 cups sugar
- 1 cup all-purpose flour (can it really be all-purpose? --BNJ)
- 4 eggs
- 3 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1/2 cup buttermilk
- 1/2 cup water
Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Sift together dry ingredients and add immediately. Mix water and buttermilk and add that too. Then add vanilla and blend. Turn into three greased, paper-lined cake pans (8 or 9 inches) and bake at 375° for 15 to 25 minutes (don't overcook). Remove from the oven and let stand a few minutes.
Now we've got to do the filling part (Aunt Nancy insists it's improper to refer to it as "icing" or "frosting.") I hate to say it, but it's really important that you use fresh coconut instead of prepackaged for this cake.
- Fresh coconut, grated (one large or two small ones should do)
- 2 cups sugar
- 2 tablespoons corn starch dissolved in a small amount of water
- 1 to 1 1/2 cups coconut milk
Grate the coconut until it's more or less the texture of that stuff you buy in a bag at the store. Food processors work nicely for this. Reserve 3/4 cup of the grated coconut to sprinkle on top when you're done. Mix the remaining coconut with the other ingredients over medium heat, bring to a slow boil and cook until lightly thickened.Allow mixture to cool slightly, then use it to cover the layers, one at a time. sprinkle reserved coconut over each layer in turn, and over the top when finished.
Voila.
SCOTUS declines to challenge gay marriage
Some conservatives will be chagrined that the Supreme Court has refused to hear a challenge to Massachusetts' gay marriage law. Some liberals are no doubt disappointed as well, since this development doesn't really fit their whole "Jesusland" narrative. Damned inconvenient, that.
Interesting
Amazing what you can learn by looking at your server logs! Did you know that if you google the phrase "no shit head girls," this humble site comes up 5th? I am so proud.
November 24, 2004
Cave Man
Keith Olbermann is doing his best impression of a WWII soldier who continues to live in an island cave refusing to believe that the war is really over.
I only wish he was equally as concerned about voting irregularities in Kerry-won states, like Pennsylvania.
November 22, 2004
Happy Thanksgiving!
My wife and I are leaving today to fly down to the "red states" for Thanksgiving. I hope we don't get lynched as being "evolutionists" or "heliocentrists" or some other kind of heretic. Ah well, such are the perils of travelling in "Jesusland," I suppose. There's no "internets" in those benighted provinces, of course, so blogging will probably be light to nonexistent until next week (CRB, feel to post as often/seldom as the spirit moves you.)
For those who don't know, deep-frying turkeys has become all the rage in the red states. I am sold on this method of turkey preparation, and have recently purchased my own turkey fryer. My wife is still a bit skeptical, however. For one thing, she likes to cook stuffing inside the bird, which does become problematic with this cooking method.
For anyone who's curious, I would highly recommend you try it. Just please be careful, as that's a lot of really hot grease you're messing with. I'd tell you not to attempt turkey frying while intoxicated, but really, what sober person would try to fry a turkey? Just use a bit of caution. Don't do this.
Or this.
But above all else, just have a great time with friends and family. Eat lots of good food, and remember the spirit of the Pilgrims and the Indians and Miles Standish and Pocahontas and Belle and Ariel and all our Thanksgiving heroes. Despite the rampant commercialism of the holiday season, we should try our best to rediscover the true meaning of Thanksgiving: We're thankful to be Americans. France sucks. Eat turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!
See you next week.
Quit changing the rules, already!
It looks like Tom DeLay won't be indicted after all. Great going, guys! You pissed away the remaining dregs of your integrity... for nothing! Gornischt! (My studies have stalled, I think. I really need to learn a new word.)
I'm talking to you, congressional Republicans, and I'm talking about your dumbass decision to repeal the very ethics rules that you guys got elected on, just to save DeLay's ass! Remember, "What does it profit a man...." (How does that one go now exactly? Anyway, you get the idea.)
I'm actually glad it happened this way. I'm glad all your cynical machinations were for gornischt. Otherwise, you would probably feel like you'd gotten away with it, and you'd feel emboldened to do it in the future.
I don't know what makes you guys think you're so untouchable. You have a smaller majority than the Democrats did when Gingrich took them down for their "arrogance of power." What makes you think it can't happen to you? It's not like the conservative base is exactly fired up about you guys, you know. Y'all are going through tax dollars like beer at an Arkansas frat party. You eked out a victory thanks to a gimpy opposition, but don't get too comfortable up there on the Hill.
And let this be a lesson to you, Bill Frist. I know Democratic obstructionism can be frustrating, but don't be seduced into changing the rules just because the opposition isn't playing dead. That doesn't sit well with the American people, myself included. Your opponents may be intransigent, but I'd much prefer to see you deal with them the old-fashioned way -- you know, bribery and threats.
All right, that is all. Carry on. Go cut some taxes or something.
November 21, 2004
Bored with "Half-Life II" already?
Why not try this, just in time for the holidays?
Video game simulates Kennedy assassination
A new video game to be released Monday allows players to simulate the assassination of President Kennedy.The release of "JFK Reloaded" is timed to coincide with the 41st anniversary of Kennedy's murder in Dallas and was designed to demonstrate a lone gunman was able to kill the president.
All right, look, I am normally not squeamish about issues like violence in video games. But really, what in the hell are these people thinking? What's next, "Princess Diana's Last Ride?"
(Thanks to mal for the submission.)
Bush as Billy Badass
We Americans like our presidents to be badasses. It's deeply ingrained in our psyche and reflected in our pop culture, whether it's Harrison Ford kicking terrorist ass on Air Force One, or Bill Pullman blasting aliens in Independence Day. George W. Bush is the most badass president we've had since Teddy Roosevelt.
Bush has garnered badass points throughout his first term. He earned them for throwing a perfect strike in the 2001 World Series, for his secret Thanksgiving trip to Iraq a year ago, and he earned more yesterday when he personally broke up a fight between a secret service agent and a Chilean security official. (And yes, he also earned them for his landing on an aircraft carrier and piloting the navy plane for part of the flight, although the photo op itself turned out to have been singularly ill-advised.)
I loved that Chilean fracas story. Can anyone imagine John "that sonofabitch knocked me down" Kerry doing something similar? Of course not! The man has zero badass points! Gornischt! (I've been studying Yiddish with Dick and Jane.)
Sure, Kerry probably got his fair share of badass points back in 'Nam, but badass points have a "best used by" date, and Kerry's have long since expired. He's like the veteran great uncle we all have -- a war hero in his youth, but his idea of risk-taking these days is visiting a salad bar without a sneeze guard.
Call me crazy, but I think the "badass" gap was probably the deciding factor in our last election. Bush has a certain magnetic appeal that analysts are always trying to explain. All their terms for it, however -- "likeability," "resolve," "moral clarity" -- seemed to fall short somehow. But I think I've finally identified the X-factor: badass.
To borrow the title of a song from Team America: "Bush: F**k Yeah!"
November 20, 2004
Good God!
I share a birthday with Senator Robert "Sheets" Byrd! And we damn near share a hometown as well. He was born, evidently, in North Wilkesboro, North Carolina, about 100 miles from where I came into this world.
Happy 87th, Senator Byrd.
November 19, 2004
My friend has super powers
No, I am not making this shit up. It's spooky. The evidence is right here. The first comment, the one by "tirin," is a very good friend of mine. Now I know he has paranormal abilities.
(Hey tirin, what am I holding in my hand right now? Come on, we need you to practice, dammit! We must hone your powers, and harness them for evil. Good. I meant good. Or at the very least, material gain. You need a manager. I'll volunteer.)
Please, God, pleasepleaseplease...
Yes, this would truly be historic. If anything comes of it, it would be a very welcome indication that maybe the organization does give a crap about its reputation, and does want to be taken seriously. I may even be forced to soften some of my anti-U.N. opinions.
UN employees are expected to issue an unprecedented vote of no confidence in Secretary-General Kofi Annan, union sources say, after he pardoned the body's top oversight official over a series of allegations.
Learn Yiddish with Dick & Jane
I could have used a guide like this when I first moved to New York.
Tee hee hee
What took 'em so long?
A blogger looks at 38 (through a hangover)
God, my brain!! Too much beer and brownies last night (and those round, tubey things). I'm getting too old for this. I feel like my head could be made out of Reed Richards' "unstable molecules."
And Hack, you were in a dream of mine last night. I dreamed that a group of bloggers was going on vacation to the beach in this big-ass rental van, and you and I ended up in the back seat together (well, we couldn't have been completely in the rear, because I remember Oliver Willis kept kicking the backs of our seats.) This was kind of a funny thing for me to dream, considering we've never met and I have no idea what you look like. As a result, my subconscious had to fill in the gaps, and in my dream you looked a little like Macy Gray, except, you know, white.
The metaphor doesn't escape me, Hack! Where are we headed in Andrew Sullivan's rented Aerostar? Where do we go from here? Hell, you can write about Bush for four more years, but what about me? John Kerry has gone back to the Senate (although he'll probably require an intern at first, to remind him of important things like where the men's room is). Well good for him, but there goes my prime source of material. Look at me, I'm reduced to documenting my hangovers and strange dreams.
In the past, whenever I'd encounter a creative dry spell, I could always fall back on the latest photos of Kerry windsurfing, or in a bunny suit, or throwing a football like a girl. But yesterday, I was almost reduced to posting this picture of Bush pardoning the White House turkey and making some lame "choke the chicken" joke.
So that's where things stand now. Condi Rice is Secretary of State, and her teeth are spreading farther apart, and I don't have a thing to say about it. Meanwhile, I'm sure you're blogging up a storm. Envy! That's what it comes down to, Hack. And that's why I was so impatient with you in the dream. On the surface, I was merely frustrated with your seeming inability to grasp the fine points of "cow bingo" (you kept conveniently "forgetting" the cemetery rule!), but you and I both know there was more to it under the surface -- pure, naked envy. (Or is it avarice? I suspect there's sometimes a fair amount of overlap among the Seven Deadly Sins.)
Well, these are my issues, not yours. And I will deal with them. Inspiration can come from the most unlikely places (if seldom from the bottom of a Jack Daniels bottle.) We live in interesting times, for good or ill, and I'm sure that inspiration lies just around the corner. I will be ready for it.
So blog on, Hack. Perhaps one day we'll meet and swap war stories at the Old Bloggers' Valhalla for Blogger Burnouts. May that be many successful years hence.
November 18, 2004
A prescient Carville
Arianna Huffington quotes a pre-election James Carville, rallying the troops:
"If we can't win this damn election... with a Democratic Party more unified than ever before, with us having raised as much money as the Republicans, with 55% of the country believing we're heading in the wrong direction, with our candidate having won all three debates, and with our side being more passionate about the outcome than theirs -- if we can't win this one, then we can't win shit! And we need to completely rethink the Democratic Party."
Sounds about right.
Shocking!
What would we do without studies?
Republicans Outnumbered in Academia, Studies Find
AI takes a huge stride forward
Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the Autorantic Virtual Moonbat (although it sounds disturbingly like a college roommate I once had.)
Try it out yourself. Hey hack, is this how you write your blog posts? ;-)
(hat tip: protein wisdom)
The following public service announcement...
...is brought to you by Miko Exotic Wear.
November 17, 2004
Tax reform "difficult," says Grassley
Senator Grassley is
I think I know...
...what Paul Krugman is doing on his "sabbatical." He's writing incredibly tendentious headlines for The Australian. (via lgf)
Marine captured in cold-blooded murder
Today's vocabulary lesson
The word "disenfranchise" is very popular these days. Jesse Jackson alone uses it seven times in every sentence. Unfortunately, its growing popularity is accompanied by a pervasive confusion as to the word's actual meaning. Take, for example, the following headline from yesterday's San Jose Mecury News:
Unmarried women voted but still feel disenfranchised
Hello? If you voted, you weren't disenfranchised. "Vote or Die" spokesmoron P. Diddy seems similarly confused. Note his recent explanation on CNN as to why he felt "disenfranchised" in 2000:
HEMMER: Why do you say you were disenfranchised four years ago?COMBS: Because politicians, they just didn't pay attention to us.
All right, we obviously need to clear up a few misconceptions here. First of all, let's be clear about a few things that "disenfranchise" does not mean. (This list is far from exhaustive, by the way.) Being "disenfranchised" does not mean:
- Your guy didn't win.
- You had to stand in a long line.
- They didn't allow you to vote in the wrong precinct.
- They didn't allow you to vote more than once.
- You didn't get a limo ride to the polling place.
- They didn't provide you with free danishes and decaf lattes while you waited.
- They asked you to prove that you were actually "Buzz Lightyear."
- Politicians didn't pander sufficiently for your vote.
Those are all wrong. None of these things constitute being "disenfranchised," okay?
So what does it mean? I'll adopt the approach of my fifth-grade teacher: Look it up yourself. You'll remember it that way.
November 15, 2004
Mehlman to head GOP
President Bush has appointed former David Letterman sidekick Larry "Bud" Melman to head the Republican National Committee. I cannot think of a better choice to steer the "Party of Lincoln" into the 21st century.
UPDATE: My earlier post was in error. Apparently it's this guy.
Inauguration of new CN comic strip!
Cynical Nation is proud to introduce a brand new comic strip called "Shroomsbury." Its scathing wit and biting political satire are sure to earn it a Pulitzer.
Stay tuned in the future for even more rapier-like wit and sophisticated political commentary. Anyone interested in syndicating "Shroomsbury" should talk to my agent.
Powell resigns
Okay, I guess this is hardly a surprise, but I feel like I should post it anyway.
November 13, 2004
Gotta love it!
The cover of this week's NR, that is.
November 12, 2004
Final thoughts on Arafat
Why is this guy pissed off? Is he outraged because a fraudulent, murderous thug who claimed to represent his interests has actually robbed his people blind for decades, and kept them in a state of hopeless squalor and abject desperation? Could he be pissed off because said thug's stupid wife will continue ripping off his people to the tune of $22 million a year (and that's just what we know about) for decades to come?
No, silly! He's pissed off at America and the Jews! Everything is the Jews' fault, after all. Why would he spend even two seconds worrying about the kleptocrats who claim to lead him?
(Jesus Christ, pal, unclench already!)
Now why is this woman crying? Is she in mourning because her beloved husband, whom she adored beyond measure and doted on incessantly, has finally shaken off this mortal coil? Or is she upset because a fraudulent murderous thug whom she's barely seen in years croaked before he was able to tell her where all the treasure was buried? Your call.
About this picture... well... I guess nothing more really needs to be said.
And one more thing. From time to time, I make remarks on this site that are not especially flattering towards former president Jimmy Carter. Each time I do so, I am barraged with hateful e-mails, telling me I should be ashamed for daring to criticize this great humanitarian. Well, given Carter's gushing remarks in which he referred to Arafat as a "powerful human symbol," do me a favor. The next time you want to send me e-mails talking about what a great, peace-loving humanitarian Carter is? Just don't. Please.
How are these people going to run a country...
...when they can't even run a two-car funeral?
Will the Clintons call the shots?
Liberal activists and MoveOn types are salivating at the prospect of Howard Dean replacing Terry McAuliffe at the helm of the DNC. I'm hearing rumors, however, that the Clintons are maneuvering behind the scenes to install Harold Ickes. Personally, I think Ickes would be a disastrous choice, but the Clintons are obviously hoping to maintain a measure of control over their party. How this plays out will tell us much about who's really calling the shots.
Krauthammer piles on
Charles Krauthammer does his part to help deconstruct the "Jesusland" myth. He compares it to the proverbial "angry white male," who was invented in 1994 to explain the Gingrich revolution. He sees "Jesusland" as the modern-day equivalent. It's a way to delegitimize a conservative victory that doesn't require any uncomfortable soul-searching or introspection on the part of the Dems as to why their candidate lost. He then tackles the statistics,
If you pit group against group, the moral values class comes in dead last: war issues at 34 percent, economic issues variously described at 33 percent and moral values at 22 percent -- i.e., they are at least a third less salient than the others.
and makes a very interesting point about Ohio:
But the fallback is then to attribute Bush's victory to the gay marriage referendums that pushed Bush over the top, particularly in Ohio.This is more nonsense. George Bush increased his vote in 2004 over 2000 by an average of 3.1 percent nationwide. In Ohio the increase was 1 percent -- less than a third of the national average. In the 11 states in which the gay marriage referendums were held, Bush increased his vote by less than he did in the 39 states that did not have the referendum. The great anti-gay surge was pure fiction.
It's time to put this fear-mongering meme to bed, permanently. Sadly, however, I have a feeling that won't happen. Given a choice between calling us names and facing us on the battleground of ideas, the left will choose the former nine times out of ten.
November 11, 2004
Myths of the new "theocracy"
The libertarian journal "Reason" (no bible-thumpers they) has a great piece debunking the myth of a looming American theocracy. This has been a pet peeve of mine ever since the election, as regular readers know. The author makes extensive comparisons between exit poll data for 2000 and 2004, and defuses this notion that a horde of angry Hazel Moteses stormed the ballot boxes this year, re-electing Bush single-handedly.
I found that the percentage of voters sampled who said they attended church at least weekly was the same--42 percent--in both 2000 and 2004. The percentage never attending church was also the same, at 15 percent. The middle group, those attending occasionally, was, you guessed it, 42 percent each time. Interestingly, while Bush slightly improved his standing among frequent churchgoers, by about a point in 2004, his support grew by 3 to 4 points among those attending seldom or never.Yep, it was the atheist vote that really put Bush over the top in 2004.
I would encourage everyone to read the whole thing. Help get the word out. Because if I have to listen to this crap about "Jesusland" for four more years, I am going to get really, really testy.
Well, at least it's honest
Ted Rall comes to terms with himself and admits what few liberals have the guts to.
Why shouldn't those of us on the coasts feel superior? We eat better, travel more, dress better, watch cooler movies, earn better salaries, meet more interesting people, listen to better music and know more about what's going on in the world. If you voted for Bush, we accept that we have to share the country with you. We're adjusting to the possibility that there may be more of you than there are of us. But don't demand our respect. You lost it on November 2.
Ted, kudos for your forthrightness.
Oh, and one more thing:
Sarin discovered in Fallujah?
Sorry! (Not!)
Wow, this whole Sorry Everbody website is really taking off. With so many submissions, do you really think they have time to screen them all? I wonder what would happen if I tried to upload this?
Gonzales is pro-choice
It looks like the bible-thumpers' plan to remake America into "Jesusland," complete with back-alley abortions and forced public school prayer, has already hit a snag.
Pro-lifers not thrilled with Gonzales choice
Bush's pick for attorney general upheld abortion on Texas court
Alternatively, this could just mean the Democrats' hysteria over looming theocracy is a tad overblown. Maybe their unreasoning panic is more a function of their own attitudes regarding religion than of religious extremism from the other half of the country? Ah well, what do you expect from the Democrats these days? Introspection? <